I have never had to date conventionally. I usually end up with girls I was friends with first because… well, obviously if I’m friends with them we have things in common.
The past couple of years, I’ve dipped my toes into dating sites off and on and it’s a cruel world. A huge number of women on these sites:
- Talk only in cliché: they are laid back, down to earth, easy going and all that guff.
- Really like sport: an alarming proportion of them have kissed the Stanley Cup. As someone who can’t be fucked with sport, this is a big No.
- Are adrenaline junkies: a whole lot of skydiving, bungie jumping, kayaking, marathon running and other activities that make my marathoning old TV shows on Netflix look extra schlubby.
- Travel constantly: I’m actually jealous of this. Who gets this much PTO in America?!
- Want you to play Guess Who: “Here’s a photo of seven similar-looking women, guess which one is me!”
- Love whiskey and beards and tall guys: it might as well be a default preset on these sites at this rate. Two of these theoretically benefit me as a lanky fuzz face but c’mon.
- Are borderline alcoholics: not judging, but like, does every photo that isn’t you in a canoe or whatever need to have an alcoholic drink in it?
Despite the number of singles on these sites, the way people buff and polish and smooth their rough edges to be broadly appealing means there are very few people I actually want to date.
It’s scary for an Internet addict like me to admit, but the real world trumps technology.